西方幽默三百篇PDF电子书下载

CONTENTS 2

1．The Friend’s Suitcase 2

2．A Kind-Hearted Man 2

3．Keep an Eye on Me 4

4．Mind Your Ice-Cream 4

5．A Marvellous Place to Drive 4

6．A Space to Park the Car 4

7．He Owes You ￡50 6

8．A Special Announcement 6

9．To Be Born There 6

10．No Need to Hurry 6

11．Change at Edinburgh 8

12．The Same Number 8

13．Turn the Metre Off 10

14．AMessage of a Gent 10

15．I Hit You Right 10

17．Please Make It One Hundred 12

16．Room for Three Inside 12

18．Don’t Do It Again 14

19．Running the Wrong Direction 14

20．How We’ve Missed You 14

21．At the Lost Property Office 16

22．I’m Only 13 16

23．She Wasn’t When We Got On 16

25．Pay-As-You-Leave 18

26．There’s No Hurry 18

24．QuickWit 18

27．The Dog and the Seat 20

28．They Came to See Me Off 20

29．Is It Wembley 20

30．Making Pretence 22

31．Cough into the Tyres 22

32．Good Lord！Stop！ 24

33．Not Lending It to You 24

34．You’ve Drowned My Lad 24

36．That’s Just the Trouble 26

37．See You Miles Away 26

35．Map of London 26

38．The Use of Timetables 28

39．Can’t You Go Faster？ 28

40．Hold onto the Rail for Me 28

41．How Much Do I Owe You？ 30

42．Different Times 30

43．Giving Evidence 30

44．The Strangest People 32

47．Turkey Sandwich 34

45．Speak Our Mother Tongue 34

46．Both 34

48．At a Cheap Place 36

49．One Lamb Chop 36

50．No Money to Pay the Bill 36

51．Wait for Your Turn 38

52．Asking for an Umbrella 38

54．Language Trouble 40

55．With Royal Permission 40

53．Self Service 40

56．A More Appropriate Wording 42

57．The Soup 42

58．What Does It Matter？ 44

59．Getting the Proper Use of It 44

60．Contradiction 44

61．For Motorists Only 46

62．With Free Colour TV 46

63．Mr and Mrs Genuine Cowhide 46

64．Father and Son 48

65．Caught in the Same Trap 50

66．The Door Opened at Night 50

67．The Fly and the Nail 52

68．No Fee 54

69．A Good Lesson 56

70．Isn’t It Wonderful 58

71．Too Late 58

72．Medicine to Cure a Headache 58

73．Haven’t I Met You Before？ 60

76．Kings Are Scarce 62

74．Hardly So 62

75．The Queen in Progress 62

77．Why Nobleman？ 64

78．Apologizing 64

79．An Untold Tragedy 66

80．What to Talk about 66

81．A Warning Sign 66

82．The Differences 68

83．A Dog for Sale 68

84．A Valuable Old Master 70

85．Who Laugh More 72

86．Near Our Money 72

87．Attentive to Duty 74

88．Extolling 74

89．That’s Nothing 74

90．At Poets’Corner 76

92．Playing a Guitar 78

93．Nearer My Son 78

91．Pouring with Rain 78

94．Just Babies 80

95．Definition of Twins 80

96．Where to Do Their Jobs 80

97．Great Expectation 82

98．That’s Quite All Right 82

99．A Very Serious Crime 84

100．To Keep Elephants Away 84

102．Perfectly Calm 86

101．Talking Him Out 86

103．A Sure Sign of Death 88

104．30 Years to Learn How 88

105．What’s Your Desirc？ 88

106．That’s Only a Mirror 90

107．Nobody Leave the Room 90

108．Putting a Statue 90

109．A Good Suggestion 92

110．A Job 92

112．Necessary Resolutions 94

111．BothJumped 94

113．A Waterproof Coat 96

114．What Am I Afraid of？ 96

115．A Grand Experience 96

116．That’s the Lift 98

117．Dogs Must Be Carried 98

118．Wonderment 100

119．A Letter from Home 100

121．Three Men’s Outfitters 102

120．I’m Now in Palace 102

122．A Rare Pistol 104

123．Why Not Get a Job 104

124．Lord Moneybag’s Income 106

125．Help，Help 106

126．How Sorry Are You？ 106

127．Used to Be Like You 108

128．Deafand Dumb 108

130．Finding Way in Fog 110

129．Tax-Collecting Skill 110

131．Dream and Reality 112

132．The Least Reward 114

133．A Big Hoax 116

134．It’s Only 1978 Now 118

135．Your Suicide’s Turned Up 118

136．I’m Off 118

137．Chloroform 120

138．There’s More Light Here 120

141．Holes for the Cats 122

139．Looking for a Name 122

140．Use a Pencil First 122

142．She Must Be Hollow 124

143．Pressing the Door Bell 124

144．The Parrot’s Trick 126

145．Try Not to Slam Them 126

146．Getting the Sheep In 128

147．Going to a Lecture 128

148．I’ve Only Just Got Here 130

149．Do as I Do 130

150．Asking for a Repeat 132

152．Blood Only 134

153．Parochialism 134

151 The Very Same Story 134

154．Refusing to Be Impressed 136

155．You May Pay Double 136

156．Take 2 Chairs Then 136

157．Pestering 138

158．He’s the Zero 140

159．He Did Die 140

160．Love when Mad 140

161．Any Worse Dancer than Me 140

162．How about Tomorrow 140

163．Mother and“Daughter” 142

164．Retribution 142

165．Cook as Taught to 142

167．A Birthday Present 144

168．Save the Whole Lot 144

166．Wait Just 5 Minutes 144

169．Curing the Amnesia 146

170．Posting a Letter 148

171．All’s in My Wife’s Name 148

172．No Exaggerating 148

173．After a Short Drinking 150

174．If Anything Happened 150

175．Grandmother’s Hair 150

178．To Ministry of Pension 152

179．The Salutes 152

177．A Great Place for the Family 152

176．Don’t Want Him to Hear Her 152

180．The Early Bird Catches the Worm 154

181．Asking for a Recipe 154

182．I Dared Him to Come 154

183．The Perfect Parliamentary Answer 156

184．Well Irrigated 156

185．More than an Art 156

187．Not Counting the Years 158

188．Answering Roll Call 158

186．Victor Hugo’s Question Mark 158

189．Nationality 160

190．A Loose-Leaf History Book 160

191．Disarmament 160

192．A Trap 160

193．Butter like the Last 162

194．The Importance of One Letter 162

195．School—Slow 164

196．Researching Work 164

197．She Didn’t Help Me 164

198．I Could 166

199．You Put Him to Sleep 166

200．A Synonym 166

201．Emotional Explanation 166

204．About Milton 168

205．The Elephant’s Baby 168

206．False Teeth 168

202．None 168

203．All Dead 168

207．The Chief Product of Cuba 170

208．The Shape ofthe Earth 170

209．An Example 170

210．Four minus One 170

211．Four minus Four 170

214．Black Hens and White Hens 172

215．Asking for a Sick Leave 172

213．The Difference 172

212．A Boxer’s Motto 172

216．A Stolen Poem 174

217．A Well-known Saying 174

218．It’s the Answers 176

219．The Last Question 176

220．To Have Something Right 176

221．A History Exam 176

222．Greeting Each Other 178

223．All Work for Nothing 178

224．Brief Letters 178

227．A Proverb 180

225．Asking for Money 180

226．Great Achievement 180

228．A Worthy Learner of Languages 182

229．A Skin Doctor 182

230．Final Exam Paper 182

231．A Man of Actions 186

232．Oxford Men and Cambridge Men 186

233．An Enigmatical Motto 186

234．Convincing 188

237．An Orator Making His Point 190

235．No Trouble at All 190

236．A Brilliant Linguist 190

238．Nothing in between the Ears 192

239．A Bare-foot Doctor 194

240．Fetching Medicine 194

241．To Have a Bad Tooth Filled 196

242．To Give Up Smoking 196

243．Gaining Weight 196

246．Who’s Peeping at Your Letter？ 198

245．Is the Ball Very Expensive？ 198

244．￡8，000 a Year 198

247．A Christmas Psesent 200

248．An Uncomfortable Seat 200

249．A Mixed Infant 202

250．To Watch It Ache 202

251．God Save the Queen 202

255．All Right for the Zoo？ 204

254．One Way Only 204

253．60 at Least 204

252．Pair of Socks 204

256．Mind Your Own Business 206

257．The Quickest Way 206

258．Keep It in the House 206

259．Waiting to Be Served 208

260．On Board Nelson’s“Victory” 208

261．Natives of Australia 208

265．Pay Pounds for the Ounces 210

264．Only My Knittings 210

263．The Better Half 210

262．Visiting the Statcly Homes 210

266．A Handkerchief 212

267．How Wealthy 212

268．The Doctor Says 212

269．The Wife’s Worr 214

270．A Treasure Book 214

271．How about the Ladies 214

275．What Happens to Liars 216

277．The Telephone Girl 216

276．She’s Married 216

273．A Hair-Raising Story 216

274．Is He Rich 216

272．Beer！ 216

278．Into One’s Eye 218

279．Why You Talked like That 218

280．The Office Boy Did 218

285．Losing One’s Head 220

284．How to Get the Paint Off 220

282．The Lion Trainer’s Income 220

283．To Drink from Bottles 220

281．In a Corn Field 220

286．I Cannot Face Them 222

287．Reading the Daily News 222

288．He Laid Down His Arms 222

289．Trying Not to 222

293．Sticking the Stamp On 224

292．In My Pyjamas 224

291．What Country？ 224

290．Take a Stool with You 224

294．At a Music Shop 226

295．What’s a Female Sheep？ 226

296．Pepper 228

297．In Hawaii 228

298．Some Ice 228

299．Which Won？ 230

300．Tommy’s Learning to Smoke 230