Only connect! 1
We'll hunt tonight 2
Words,gestures and clothing 2
The children who couldn't speak 3
People who can't understand 4
Checklist for successful communication 4
How to use verbal language 5
Why do we want to communicate? 5
Why is he speaking? 5
But he doesn't mean what he says! 6
Words!Words!Words! 7
Does'ch'a'mean'tea'? 8
We don't seem to speak the same language! 9
The generation gap 9
The knowledge gap 10
Characteristics of everyday speech 11
Language and thinking 12
Speaking in different ways 13
What are they saying? 13
Don't play the wrong music! 14
Talking to foreign visitors 15
How to understand body language 17
Look as wellas listen! 17
I can read him like a book...or can I? 17
But it's only natural! 18
Some non-verbal language is'natural'and some isn't 19
The head toss 20
The history of the head toss meaning'No' 21
The true and authentic head toss! 21
What does this position mean? 23
Curtain up! 25
What is she saying...What is he thinking? 26
What do these gestures mean? 27
'She's a typical librarian!' 28
But these are real people! 29
What about you? 29
How to read a face 30
Our faces and our personalities 30
Our faces and our expressions 33
Eyes:the windows of the soul 34
Your eyes and your personality 34
Eye contact in conversation 35
How to use space 37
The English man's home is his castle 37
Talking,sitting and standing 38
Give me elbow room! 38
Some general guidance for visitors to North America and Britain 39
Crowded places 39
Do you touch people? 40
Touching in four cities 41
Common touching and uncommon touching in the West 41
How to recognise the roles people play 43
An introduction to roles 43
Three people in every person 43
How to recognise a parent 46
How to recognise an adult 46
How to recognise a child 47
Can you recognise the parent,the adult and the child in yourself? 47
Don't get your lines crossed! 48
Things aren't what they seem to be! 51
What sort of game do you play? 53
I'm no good at anything really 53
They are no good 53
I'm only trying to help 54
If only I wasn't so busy 54
Sweetheart 54
Kiss me?You must be joking! 54
Why are games important? 55
It's not always easy 55
How to get on with people 57
How to be a good listener 57
Repeating what the other person has said 59
Encouraging and discouraging 59
How to be agood con versationalist 60
Statements and questions 60
Open and closed questions 60
The'agree with me'question 60
Double questions 61
Agreeing and disagreeing 61
A good conversation 62
Politeness and'pass-time'con versations 62
Do you often keep away from other people? 62
Do you often exchange politenesses with people? 62
Do you talk to people just to pass the time? 64
How to start a conversation in Britain 66
Another approach 67
Conversational flowchart 69
How to interest someone of the opposite sex 70
First stage 70
Second stage 70
How to argue 71
Do you really want to argue? 71
If you don't want to hurt the other person 71
Three ways of arguing 72
Ethos 72
Logos 72
Pathos 72
All three! 73
General advice 73
Some important points for thinkers and arguers 73
Facts 73
Generalisations 73
Hypothesis 74
Criticising the other person 74
Some very poor arguments! 75
How to protect yourself against salespeople 75
How to observe the customer...YOU! 76
The salesperson is taught what to say to you 76
On the telephone 76
The questions a salesperson uses 77
It isn't only words that sell! 77
The ideal interview 78
Last thoughts 81
Answers 82
Acknowledgements 86